6.4 Family and Friendship

📚 Topic 6: Books 9 & 10⏱️ 40 min📊 Thematic Analysis

Learning Objectives

By the end of this lesson, you will understand how Books 9 & 10 explore relationships—friendship (Nisus and Euryalus), maternal love (Euryalus's mother), and father-son bonds (Evander-Pallas, Mezentius-Lausus)—and how war destroys these connections.

Human Bonds in Wartime

Books 9-10 are structured around relationships. Warriors don't fight in isolation—they love friends, parents, children. These bonds motivate their actions and make their deaths more devastating. War doesn't just kill individuals; it severs connections, destroys families, breaks hearts.

Central Theme
The episodes that most move Virgil and his readers involve not just individual deaths but broken relationships: Nisus dying on Euryalus's body, Euryalus's mother collapsing in grief, Evander awaiting Pallas who will never return, Mezentius dying of sorrow for Lausus. Love makes war tragic.
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Nisus and Euryalus: Friendship and Love

The Relationship

Nisus (older, experienced) and Euryalus (young, beautiful) are bound by passionate devotion. Their relationship echoes Achilles and Patroclus but is even more explicitly romantic. Nisus loves Euryalus with absolute commitment; Euryalus trusts Nisus completely. This is the poem's most intense personal bond.

Shared Purpose

They volunteer together for the night raid. When the commanders suggest Nisus go alone, Euryalus refuses to be left behind—they will face danger together or not at all. Their friendship is active partnership: they fight together, decide together, die together. Unity defines them.

The Moment of Choice

Nisus escapes the enemy but realizes Euryalus is missing. He could continue to safety—complete the mission, survive. Instead, without hesitation, he returns to save his friend. Love overrides survival instinct, duty, everything. Nisus would rather die with Euryalus than live without him.

Death Together

Nisus kills Euryalus's captors but cannot save him. As Euryalus dies, Nisus throws himself upon the enemies in suicidal fury and dies on his friend's body. Their deaths are simultaneous, intertwined. Even in death they are united—which is exactly what Nisus wanted.

Fortunati ambo! si quid mea carmina possunt,
nulla dies umquam memori vos eximet aevo...

Fortunate pair! If my songs have any power, no day shall ever remove you from the memory of time...
— Virgil, Aeneid 9.446-447
Immortal Through Love
Virgil promises them fame not primarily for military glory but for their devotion to each other. They are "fortunate" not because they won but because they loved. Their relationship transcends death—immortalized in poetry, they remain forever united. Love gives meaning to otherwise meaningless deaths.

Maternal Love: Euryalus's Mother

The Mother's Presence

Euryalus's mother had accompanied him from Troy—an elderly woman who followed her son into exile and war. She represents maternal devotion: she has lost homeland, husband (presumably), everything except her son. He is all she has left.

The Lament

Seeing her son's head paraded on a spear, she delivers one of the poem's most devastating speeches: "Could you leave me, cruel one? Could I not give you a last farewell?" She wishes she had died instead, begs the enemy to kill her, collapses in unbearable grief.

Impact on Warriors

Her grief is so overwhelming that the battle stops. Warriors on both sides cannot continue fighting in the presence of such suffering. They carry her away, still wailing. Maternal grief transcends military conflict—even enemies recognize its power.

Narrative Function

The lament immediately follows the heroic deaths, preventing readers from celebrating warrior glory without confronting its cost. We see Nisus and Euryalus as brave heroes—then immediately see them through a mother's eyes as lost children. Both perspectives are true.

"Is this your face I see, you who were my last comfort in old age? Could you leave me alone? Could I not give you a last word when you went to such danger?"
— Euryalus's mother, 9.481-83
Mothers and War
Euryalus's mother represents all mothers who lose sons to war. Her grief is intensely personal but also universal. Virgil ensures readers see war not just from warriors' perspectives but from those who love them and survive them. Victory always creates mourning mothers.

Fathers and Sons

Evander and Pallas

Evander is old; Pallas is his only son and hope. When Aeneas arrives, Evander entrusts Pallas to him: "Teach him to endure war and hardship." His farewell is poignant—he may never see his son again. "If Fortune is preparing some terrible blow, let me die now." This prayer is denied.

Pallas's Death

Pallas dies fighting for Aeneas's cause, far from home, killed by Turnus. Aeneas had promised to protect him; Evander had trusted that promise. Both fail—not through lack of effort but because war makes promises impossible to keep. Pallas's death haunts both men.

Evander's Grief

Though Evander's reaction comes in Book 11, its shadow hangs over Book 10. Readers know he awaits news of his son. When Pallas's body returns, Evander will wish he had died instead. The father survives the son—the natural order inverted, unbearably.

Mezentius and Lausus

This father-son relationship is more complex. Mezentius is a tyrant, impious, cruel—yet Lausus loves him absolutely. When Mezentius is wounded, Lausus throws himself between his father and Aeneas, knowing he cannot win. He sacrifices himself for an unworthy father.

Lausus's Pietas

Lausus's devotion to Mezentius is the highest form of pietas—filial duty beyond reason or deserving. Aeneas recognizes this immediately: "What can I give you worthy of such deeds?" The enemy becomes admirable through love. Even bad fathers are loved by their sons.

Mezentius's Transformation

Learning of Lausus's death, Mezentius is broken. All his power, all his contempt for gods, cannot prevent this loss. He returns to battle not for victory but to die. His final request—burial with his son—reveals complete humanity. Love transforms the monster into a grieving father.

"Now life is truly bitter, now I am deeply wounded. My son, you have stained yourself with my blood—saved by your death."
— Mezentius on learning of Lausus's death, 10.846-47
Mirrored Grief
Both Evander and Mezentius lose their only sons. One is virtuous, one wicked; one Trojan-aligned, one Italian. But their grief is identical. War creates bereaved fathers regardless of their moral status. Virgil's sympathy extends to all who love and lose.

Thematic Analysis

Love as Motivation

Characters act from love: Nisus returns for Euryalus (friendship); Lausus defends Mezentius (filial devotion); Aeneas rages over Pallas (duty to Evander). Love drives action more than abstract principles. Warriors fight for those they love, not ideologies.

Love Makes War Tragic

Without relationships, death would be merely loss. With relationships, death becomes tragedy. We mourn Pallas not just because a youth dies but because Evander loses his son. We mourn Nisus and Euryalus not just as warriors but as lovers separated by death. Connection amplifies suffering.

War Destroys Bonds

Every relationship in Books 9-10 is severed by death: Nisus and Euryalus separated; Euryalus and his mother parted; Pallas taken from Evander; Lausus from Mezentius. War's primary destruction is relational—it breaks the bonds that make life meaningful.

Shared Humanity

Relationships reveal shared humanity across enemy lines. Aeneas sees himself in Lausus (both devoted sons); readers recognize Evander's and Mezentius's grief as identical despite their moral differences. Love transcends political divisions—all humans love, all grieve.

Pietas in Extremis

The highest form of pietas appears in extreme circumstances: Nisus choosing death with Euryalus over life without him; Lausus dying for an unworthy father; mothers who wish they had died instead of their sons. Devotion reveals itself most clearly when tested by loss.

Why Relationships Matter
Virgil could have written Books 9-10 as pure military narrative—battles, tactics, victories. Instead, he centers relationships: friendship, maternal love, filial devotion. This makes war personal, intimate, devastating. The strategic outcome matters less than the human cost. Rome is founded, but look what it cost.
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